Head First: Insomniac Beer Goggles?

Monday, April 10, 2006

Insomniac Beer Goggles?

Ok, I couldn't sleep. I was laying awake, my mind all abuzz with thoughts of the Holy Chip. I hope it gets here soon, but I had to get some sleep. Maybe if I turned on the TV...cool, Alias is in syndication. After Alias, comes back to back commecial-free prosperity, Kenneth Copeland, followed by Dr. Creflo A. Dollar (On the show, all references to him include his middle initial, I guess to keep people from confusing him with, uh, Creflo J Dollar?). Interestingly, they each buy their hour of time on the Philadelphia Fox affiliate, but neither of them buys the commercial time that occurs between their two programs. That got snatched up by a porn site/900 number line advertising a harem of young ladies who recently celebrated their eighteenth birthdays and are waiting for you to join them (shame on you if you clicked that). So the order of service is sermon - porno ad - sermon. XXX Church has nothing on these guys.

Anyway, I start flipping stations and find the local TBN affiliate station celebrating Brother Paul Crouch's 72nd birthday. Well, I haven't seen ole Brother Paul in a coon's age. And he looks exactly the same as the last time I saw him. But who's that gal standing next to him? She sort of looks like a bad boardwalk chalk-artist caricature of Pamela Anderson. My jaw dropped when I realized that this was none other than the original drag queen for Jesus, Jan Crouch. Whoa! What happened? I remember Sister Jan like this:

and this:

and this:

(ok, sorry)

But now,

if your vision is really blurry from lack of sleep or if you've had a few beers, you don't even recognize her. If you're sleep deprived AND have had a few beers, she almost looks attractive. I mean, does this look like a woman in her (very) late 60's?

Well I did a little digging, and it appears that Mrs. Crouch has, um, had a little work done. I contacted my source (being the keeper of the One True Chip comes with some extraordinary connections in very high places). Anyway, my source tells me that she's not through, either. Her current look is little more than a stepping stone to her ultimate cosmetic surgical destination:

Operators are standing by...


Kristi said...

Ha ha. I REALLY hope you start sleeping better!!!

Kc said...

Kristi if he sleeps then where will our entertainment come from? ;-)

nathaniel adam king said...

I concur. Dorsey, drink more and sleep less. For the good of the people, but of course.

Recovering said...

Nice...I'm looking forward to your expose on Benny Hinn...or doesn't he not buy late-night time? Thanks for the chuckle!

BruceD said...

I feel strangly compelled to send her money. Or maybe I should send it directly to her plastic surgeon?

jeff said...

I look at these pictures and am moved on a number of levels.

Of course, nausea...

Then there's the inevitable Michael Jackson correlation... not just the plastic surgery, but the lyrics:
It's Close To Midnight And Something Evil's Lurking In The Dark
Under The Moonlight You See A Sight That Almost Stops Your Heart
You Try To Scream But Terror Takes The Sound Before You Make It
You Start To Freeze As Horror Looks You Right Between The Eyes,
You're Paralyzed
but she's not quite a "Thriller" is she??

Ultimately, I'm saddened. I'm sure there's an entire homeless family somewhere who would love to have her hair to keep them warm for the entire winter...

Still, I'm going to start drinking, then come back to this blog to see if it makes any difference. I doubt it will...

Mrs Zeke said...

Oh don't sleep, because of this I might start drinking too and that could be interesting.
Got a good plastic surgeon for me?

You have love and that's it, use it.

Caro said...

On a more sober note, I am reminded of the blog which stated that the early Church took offerings to relieve the poor and the widows. Wonder what the excuse will be in the final judgment? I dare not make a judgment, but I know some kinds of fruit when I see them, and brother, this is a REAL fruit (not of the Spirit).
I knew Paul when his radio station was only a kit-built shortwave job; I pray that he'll be THAT guy again.

Aimee said...

ha ha. i think it's out with the Hinn and in with the....... well......i haven't seen the guy as much as i used to on TBN. you do have to pay to have a slot on that station, you know?

we pass by the TBN headquarters every time i drive down to get some more ink for my tattoo. it sits right next to the freeway. every time i remind myself to bring a camera next time so i can take a picture- it's something to behold. a couple weeks ago i drove down and my parents were with me. as we drive by my mom says, "holy cow, what is THAT"? i told her it was the TBN headquarters. she's not a Christian, and thankfully, had no clue what TBN is. she said it looked like a Las Vegas casino. ;-)

Caro said...

In some ways, it serves the same function. After all, life IS a crap shoot, isn't it?

michaelmarkley said...

Could XXX church be Ron Jeremys creation? what a con job.
like big tobacco's anti smoking campaigns,,,XXX church in Vegas,, and ron Jeremys's christians fight porn while he has freedom of religion to express him self,,,
even the 700 club is in on this supporting XXXchurch
I rebuked Pat Roberson for supporting this evil…! he is wicked!

on 700 club..



Imagine showing up to church next sunday and finding a 30 foot high erect phallus on top of your church or in the church parking lot announcing a sermon series on Pornography. "Absurd and ridiculous", you say. "No Christian Church or Ministry would ever resort to something as shameful as a giant phallus", you say. Sadly, you'd be wrong. (Warning: Explicit Link)
According to Wally's Website:
Mike and Craig of XXXchurch dreamed up the idea of Wally one afternoon in sunny southern California. XXXchurch exists to bring awareness, openness, accountability and recovery to the church, society and individuals in the issues of pornography and to begin to provide solutions through non-judgmental and creative means.

the "way of the master" is against XXX church's dragging the church down and making it look bad, there is a blog on the way of the master,, radio where they say XXX church is real wrong..they show a video of XXXchurch's porn puppet and a porn producer Ron Jeremy telling children at a grocery store porn is not for children but is for adults,,, this is abomination check it out..


Rek2008 said...

Yup, just like her protege' Tammy Faye, Jan overdoes the makeup quite a bit. I'm in awe of the lip-job she got though. Superb! From skinny lips to FULL and very KISSABLE!.