Head First: Your Personal Christian Horoscope/Prophetic Word...

Monday, April 03, 2006

Your Personal Christian
Horoscope/Prophetic Word...



...is available now at LarkNews.
Here's mine:

"Stop praying for that thing you've been asking God for. He said no. Get over it."

16 comments:

Kc said...

This is funny stuff, thanks. ;-)

Zeke said...

"That rumor you heard about the youth pastor is true."

Kris said...

The lord told me to tell you that you should be a writer on this site.



Don't miss his will.

Anonymous said...

I guess I don't see a connection with prophetic word and horoscope. I think it is terrible for you to make a conclusion like that or have a site posted that makes that connection like that. I do believe we need to test the spirits but to make a blanket statment as such about prophetic words I have a problem with. If we use your logic the prophetic words in the Bible would be such and I think that would be a terrible conclusion and very heretical. All I can say is be very careful or you might be making a judgement on something that at times is clearly from the Holy Spirit. dh

jeff said...

dh,

I just pulled your horoscope-prophecy. It says,

"Lighten the hell up. It was a joke".

hehehe...
:)

Craig Bob said...

Gasp! Jeff, you said "hell!"

dorsey said...

Edginess runs very deep in our family.

[/obscureveggietalesreference]

jeff said...

Once again, I am publicly asking for forgiveness from my dear brother Dorsey, and now, Craig Bob. While I don't retract anything I said in my earlier post, I most humbly and reverently repent of the way I said it. I hope and pray that the word "hell" I stated above, (which, I still completely hold fast to) is no longer found offensive or hypocritical, now that I've repented of the tone, with which it was delivered.

I also ask forgiveness from those who were justifiably offended at the way that I chose to post this response.


Now, get the sheol off my back!!
(it just doesn't work, does it...)

Kris said...

jeff i also have a word from a lord for you;........hold on...........its changed, i am getting....sounds like lu lu ke luke.....its a number.......okay its number one......okay its luke one......wait....wait.....yeah..... i hear twenty and two.....if you don't leave Dorse alone so that he can work on refining the all the points of dorseism then...........I...I .....lost it...wait.....wait!!!....okay luke one and twenty-two....I don't know what that means but that is what I am hearing will happen.......wait........something about ....a vision......and what will happen if you don't heed these words.................oh my .......thats it, I have to go rest now...., I think I here jezebel coming!

nathaniel adam king said...

That horoscope is poo. Mine was:

'Nobody likes the fact that you bring your kids into the main service.'

I don't have kids. I better not have kids.

I need to make a few phone calls...

I better not have kids...

Zeke said...

sofyst: Next week's guest on the Maury Povich show.

ninjanun said...

Ha! Mine said, " That other church would definitely be better for you."


It's so true.
I'm assuming it's talking about The Church of the Holy Burrito.

Kris said...

LOL @ Zeke

Mrs Zeke said...

" Nobody likes the fact that you bring your kids into the main service."

I am sooooooo guilty of it

ninjanun said...

For the record, I LIKE kids in main service, and I hate how almost every church I've been to banishes them nowadays to their own separate service. Whatever happened to "community?"

the little saints could teach us older saints about how it's okay to express disagreement or disinterest with the sermon. ;)


wwwaaaaaaaaah! I'm bored! I want some gum! I'm hungry, when do we get to eat? :p

Herobill said...

The kid comments make me grin.

Ninja Nun - we usually banish our kids from our meetings here, but then again, they're also involved in our weeklong community. So I guess that's an option most don't have.

And Dorsey - sorry about that prediction, man. Does it mean you won't get your holy chip?

But I just remembered - I heard if you "vote for Pedro" he'd give you some "holy chips". So maybe there's hope yet!?