Head First: December 2006

Friday, December 22, 2006

Smile, Jesus Loves You Sucker

There are just a couple days left before Jesus turns 2039 (depending on how you calculate). Thankfully, we don't celebrate with a cake. That would be a lot of candles! Hoowee!

Anyway, here are a few last minute gift ideas for the special people on your list.

Lighted Grown-up Jesus Tree Topper

Let the Light of the World light up your holiday festivities this year. He's advertised as lifelike, with actual nail-holes in his hands (You can try to attach him to your tree that way, but he'll be off in three days).


If Jesus came back right now, wouldn't you want to have the freshest breath possible? Guaranteed to hide both beer and cigarette breath, so they're perfect for Sunday morning.

Bobblehead Jesus

Just place this guy in your rear dash and you can always be sure that JC has your back. (I swear I've seen this particular Jesus in the NBA. Who is that guy?)

Jesus Bandages

This is how Benny Hinn began his healing ministry. Think of the possibilities.

The Last Supper Lunchbox.

It's extra long, perfect for a hot, juicy Philadelphia cheesesteak (which, according to scholars, was ordered by nine of the twelve disciples, but they were out of luck. Philadelphia hadn't been invented yet).

The WWJD Hemp Bracelet.

This is what I'm getting my teenage daughter this year. The first question I'm going to ask is, "Would Jesus smoke this bracelet? I don't think so."

Jesus Coat Hooks

Here's a great way to make your holiday guests feel welcome in your home, while still reminding them that Christmas is only the beginning of the story. (Yes, some sick bastard is actually selling these.)

The Cruc-Z-Boy Recliner

I don't really know what to say about this. There doesn't seem to be anything easy about this easy chair. What if you drop the remote while you're all strapped in? Now THAT'S agony.

Here's the one that inspired this post in the first place:

Smile, Jesus Loves You Sucker

That's exactly how they're labeled at christiandollarstore.com. I wonder if they did that on purpose.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

It's raining money! Hallelujah!

I got this email yesterday from the IRS (click image to enlarge):

Pretty sweet, huh? All I have to do is give them my Social Security number (because the IRS doesn't have my Social Security number), and the credit/debit card account number where I want my tax refund sent.

So I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

This is Gonna Be the Best Xmas Ever!

The response has been overwhelming! Apparently, the gift of music was such a hit, that Amazon has completely sold out of all those titles, except Mylon LeFevre and Tammy Faye. Jim Post's "I Love My Life" is backordered until Easter. Clearly, everyone is in a shopping mood this Christmas. So, while I'm digging up some more gift ideas for the loved ones on your list (don't forget Dorse! hehe), here are some more musical selections for your consideration.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Only 20 shopping days left!

This Christmas, give the gift of music. Here are a few ideas, from my iPod to yours.

Merry Christmas everyone!

(shout out to Bruce Garrison for the inspiration)

Friday, December 01, 2006

Stop fixing me and I'll stop fixing you.

Lately, several passages from Romans 14 have come to my thinking. I especially like Eugene Peterson's translation of it. Is it just me, or does Paul suggest that being in good relationships is more important than believing the same things?

Cultivating Good Relationships

1 Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.

2-4 For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume he should only be a vegetarian and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ's table, wouldn't it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn't eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God's welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help.

5 Or, say, one person thinks that some days should be set aside as holy and another thinks that each day is pretty much like any other. There are good reasons either way. So, each person is free to follow the convictions of conscience.

6-9 What's important in all this is that if you keep a holy day, keep it for God's sake; if you eat meat, eat it to the glory of God and thank God for prime rib; if you're a vegetarian, eat vegetables to the glory of God and thank God for broccoli. None of us are permitted to insist on our own way in these matters. It's God we are answerable to—all the way from life to death and everything in between—not each other. That's why Jesus lived and died and then lived again: so that he could be our Master across the entire range of life and death, and free us from the petty tyrannies of each other.

10-12 So where does that leave you when you criticize a brother? And where does that leave you when you condescend to a sister? I'd say it leaves you looking pretty silly—or worse. Eventually, we're all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren't going to improve your position there one bit. Read it for yourself in Scripture:

"As I live and breathe," God says,
"every knee will bow before me;
Every tongue will tell the honest truth
that I and only I am God."
So tend to your knitting. You've got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God.

13-14 Forget about deciding what's right for each other. Here's what you need to be concerned about: that you don't get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is. I'm convinced—Jesus convinced me!—that everything as it is in itself is holy. We, of course, by the way we treat it or talk about it, can contaminate it.

15-16 If you confuse others by making a big issue over what they eat or don't eat, you're no longer a companion with them in love, are you? These, remember, are persons for whom Christ died. Would you risk sending them to hell over an item in their diet? Don't you dare let a piece of God-blessed food become an occasion of soul-poisoning!

17-18 God's kingdom isn't a matter of what you put in your stomach, for goodness' sake. It's what God does with your life as he sets it right, puts it together, and completes it with joy. Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ. Do that and you'll kill two birds with one stone: pleasing the God above you and proving your worth to the people around you.

19-21 So let's agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don't drag them down by finding fault. You're certainly not going to permit an argument over what is served or not served at supper to wreck God's work among you, are you? I said it before and I'll say it again: All food is good, but it can turn bad if you use it badly, if you use it to trip others up and send them sprawling. When you sit down to a meal, your primary concern should not be to feed your own face but to share the life of Jesus. So be sensitive and courteous to the others who are eating. Don't eat or say or do things that might interfere with the free exchange of love.

22-23 Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don't impose it on others. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong.